“I’ve done everything I could. I don’t know what else to do. I need help.”
This is the opening line I hear from most of my clients. Often the person uses it to describe a personal relationship situation, but it has been used to describe work situations by several others. When the conversation progresses, I learn about how they tried to adjust, change their ways to improve the situation. Now they came to speak to me because their sought-after change did not materialize, and they ran out of options.
We all seek changes like this, often without even realizing how it affects us. It is easier to change and adjust ourselves than confront others and demand a change from them. We strive to get the various components of our life on a better path, improve a situation, be happier. The need for change is triggered by a realization of the potential for improvement or by discomfort from a lack of the same thing. We identify a goal and plot a course to change it. This becomes a problem when we apply more changes to ourselves than we should, and lose ourselves in the process. The goal we sought may be reached, but we have compromised too much personally to reach it. Was the relationship, the job, whatever it was, worth the price? What or how much of us was left at the end?
The need for these improvements may be generated by examples we have seen, our thoughtfulness and introspection, or simple desire. Whichever it is, it is real and should be addressed. Once you have recognized that need and reasoned with it, you could describe it to someone else. The first step I take with clients seeking such a change is to understand the background and scope of this need, and define some realistic parameters for the road ahead. Is the need realistic? What are the possibilities? Are there any risks associated with the different paths ahead?
Addressing the need for change is paramount. Ignoring it would be wrong and irresponsible. Unattended problems do not disappear, they only simmer and worsen up. If you find the actions you took do not produce the desired outcome, it is time to hire a life coach and begin working on these needs. With a good investment of time and effort, you will be able to reach your goals without losing yourself in the process.